Finding God in the phone book

Love and hate keep calling me.

I disconnected the phones and locked the door, but God keeps finding me.  On days like this I usually  close the windows.  I think I'll let heaven seep through.

Shift

You never gave a second thought about becoming older.

You never took the time to think about how things would change.  All you've ever known is giving a happy thought away to someone who would listen.  No one ever told you that one day people would stop caring.

They never gave you a list of things that would make you happy.  Get the money and become rich.  9 to 5 doesn't cut it anymore and suddenly she's not that into him.  They wonder what went wrong.

They never defined love.  They never told you how to know if you've found it and if it's real.  You learned about dating and kissing and the s word.  But they never told you that love was involved.  They never said anything about lying and hatred and joy and hurt.  About the hard times that led to peace of mind.  They never told you that good follows the bad, and sometimes people don't last through the bad.

It's the way they make us think.  The way they convince us that our potential is out there and once we find it and bring in the green, then we deserve happiness.

No one ever told you that happiness and potential lie within you waiting for desire.

They never told you that things would shift and no matter how hard you try to fight it, clouds always find you.  But life is gonna be good. They never told you that. So I will.

Month of August

I think I'll take a walk down this lonely street,

and try to make something good out of nothing.











Wake up and wonder what happened to your good intentions.

A Long Drive With Nothing To Think About (1)

 

No one ever knows where they're going.  They only know why they go.

This. Is the hardest part.  This is the part that drugs you up, and strips away all that you are. It molds into something good, and real, and ties it to a helium filled balloon.

This is the part, where the balloon lifts off.  Waving goodbye to the kid who never thought life would get this hard.  Who sits on the pavement legs crossed, watered eyes staring back at the sun.

This is the part, where the balloon finds you. 

This is when you sit out on the pavement in front of your new life.  This is when you stare back at the sun with watered eyes, wondering if things would always happen like this.

The Sun beats down without answers, the wind carries away your thoughts.

This is when I take a walk through the midnight city .  Sleepwalking over fields of badly timed love letters.

Big Hard Sun

I'm leaving.

And I don't plan on coming back.

I'm going to the place where they told me only existed in dreams.  Where the running water summons you to the call. Where the sun beats down on your skin and replaces blood with belief.  I'm going to the place where man is afraid of, and poets dream of.  Where they write, and write, and write, but never truly feel.  I'm going, because I can feel my heart slowly losing life as I walk down halls filled with disbelievers and hypocrites.  I feel my smile fade as I look out the window and only imagine.

I don't want to imagine what could have been.

I want to live.

Come with me. Let's go and never look back.  We can swim in the running water, and lay out in that big hard sun. Let's leave behind this world.  Let's be human again.

And maybe under that big hard sun, we can smile together.

Strangers on the Shore

Fill my heart with that moment when our eyes meet.
When my heart blisters and I fall to pieces.
Cause it's a wonderful thing.
I feel as if I can catch the wind and fly far beyond the sea where you and me can be.
I'll take your hand along the sand, and we'll go way down below the ocean. 
Floating free and undefiled. 
We'll find that magic place where dreamers only dream of, and singers only sing of.
We'll speak in the language of love and truth.
And then you and me will be lifted back to the surface, as strangers on the shore.
Our hands will intertwine and we'll fade with the wind.
 

The Blackbirds Know Something I Don't

Let me tell you how I feel, and you can toss it in your travel bag,
for the days when the rain pours so hard, and the sun has decided to take the day off.

Let me tell you about your blue eyes and tainted love.
Your metaphorical stones and my easily breakable bones.
I guess I bruise easy.

The smell of morning rain brings me back to days with you. 
The days I spent playing Nintendo in the basement.
The days when I woke up to see the sunrise, because the light actually meant something when it touched my skin.

Bring me back to those days.

I never woke up at 7 to put on a tie, and a mask, and confine myself to derivitives.
I woke up because when the birds were chirping, and all the 9 to 5 workers were tossing in their beds,
those blackbirds were trying to tell me something.  They were trying to give me a taste of what it's like to fly free above.

Bring me back to those days.

When we never worked on Christmas.
And school was a place of freedom and trust, and their was no time for judgement.

I used to wonder if I'd ever reach 6 feet, and if monsters only came out in the dark.
Now all I wonder is why teenage hearts die so young when there's no one to love them.  And why pieces of paper tinted green can make life change its mind, and death becomes the winner.
The king of your heart. The ruler of my mind, and if I'm really the master of my fate, and the captain of my soul then why do your words mean so much to me?

Love.  It's a strange and fickle thing.  But if there's anything I've learned, it's that life is about love, and if you haven't loved you haven't lived.  And even though I hate to say it, I suppose, I love you.

3 simple words that can't seem to find their way through my clattering teeth.
Let me tell you how I really feel.

But one of these days there will be no need for this life line between us.  I'll reach out to grab it, and you'll already have it packed away in your travel bag.  And 2 words will forever ring in my head:

Remember Me.