Shoes that don't make footprints in the snow

 

 

You were 2,000 miles away, but I still watched for you.

Remember the time we crossed the bridge? You know, the one everyone forgot about with the paint that had faded? We thought it led to delecation. Independence. freedom.  You held up your smooth cold hands to the sky, spread your fingers and breathed in that pure air. We knew no one was watching us and that's what made it so special. We layed down in the snow and let out a sigh. Our breath seemed to float up to the heavens, as if a way to say to God "look at all we've been through."

You said something about how messed up the world is and how we, at that moment, held the key to happiness.

Now I've never been good with words, and darlin', you really made me choke. I don't know what I said, and it kills me.  And now you're gone. Not like gone to California for the weekend, but gone.  Out of sight, erased from me.

While your out in the real world spreading love with other guys, I'm stuck here looking through this fence. Looking at things that remind me of how it used to be. Meaningless things like dirt and snow and footprints. And I know that this is just a fence and I could probably climb over, but it feels like a brick wall.

You're there, I'm here and that's just how you like it isn't it? I'm sorry I was a coward and I'm sorry that I can't fix your sadness. I just hope you'll at least send me a postcard.

I wish I was singing in the rain

 

Gene Kelly lied to me.

 

 

This is not a glorious feeling.

And I am not ready for love.

 

The sun ain't in my heart, it's in my eyes.

And the rain washes away the tears.

 

I am not living a life full of you.

I want to be me.

 

So bring on the rain,

And bring on the tears.

 

And maybe when the rust is gone,

I'll be happy again.

Broken Bones in Montauk

Snow brings out the peace in my mind.

 

We could move to Alaska, but you've always hated the cold.

We could watch the sunrise every morning just to prove to God that we care, but God made the sunrise to wake the sleepers, not to accommodate people like us.

See we've been awake for some time now.  But our bones will break, and our skin will hurt and our hearts will stop beating.

So give me a sign that you're real.  Let me know you're there.  Cause I don't fear lighting, or frost bite.

I'm afraid of buying a ticket to Montauk, and you won't be on the train.

I fear that my heart beats for some dream.  A lost cause. 

Let me know you're waiting, cause I've been ready to go for a while.  My bags are packed and my bones aren't broken.

So let's go.  Let's leave while were young, and careless and too stupid to understand the outcomes of our decisions.

If I buy a ticket, will you be there?

Love at far sight: Guidlines on being normal

 

 

 

Just like the next  9 to 5 worker who ran over the dog on their way home from work, I'm a murderer.

 

I do things out of impulsion, not reason.  I leave the water running when I brush my teeth so I can feel normal.  But I haven't felt that way since 6th grade.

 

I turn off the news when I hear about afflictions.  "I'm sure they're fine".

 

I sleep with 3 pillows even though I only need one.  And I still wake up with a sore neck.

 

I could tell you how to be normal, but God made everyone different, and I'm not blasphemous.

 

This is not about a way of life.  It's about why I don't smile.  It's about why I'm taller in the morning and shorter at night, and why the phone never rings, and why I'm more comfortable being someone else.

 

The dark scares me.  The sun provokes me.  And just like the next 9 to 5 worker, my impulsive side is a killer.

 

My heart aches for freedom, my feet don't like to be contained, but that dog, was just trying to get home to his family.

 

 

 

 

Not Everyone is Happy in The New World

 

This new world came without my permission

I didn't accept

I wasn't ready for what came, and hit me like a train

I was a deer in the headlights

 

Those lights were attractive, I will admit,

but they decieved me

This wasn't really what I wanted, and the train didn't stop

It was oblivious to my rights

My God given rights

 

My freedom was stripped from me,

and now I'm a prisoner

 

Trapped and forced to conform

 

Forced to act in harmony, but this isn't my song

This is not my creation

It's yours

 

So let me be

 

Let me live while you take lives

Precious lives that were meant to do good,

but have been twisted by your sick ways

 

Let this new world flee from me so I can be free.

An Ode to the Wild

 

To the mountains who taunt me whenever I look out the window.  One day I might give in.

To the leaves whose beauty exceeds that of the biggest house.  Embrace me as an old friend.

To the streams whose sounds resemble that of a symphony.  Never stop flowing.

To the wild horses who gallop in the pastures.  What's it like to be free?

To the clouds who bring the rain.  Thank you for your tears.

To the wild.  I'll be there soon.

Which way?

   "You're going the wrong way!"

                                                                                   "Shut up!"

I can't forget

I remember when Summer days would never end. When the sun was our friend, and our friends lived down the road.  When we woke up at 8 and felt fine. 

I remember water fights and forts and Pokemon battles and valentines day cards. And the love notes. The love notes that meant something.

I remember getting the last star in Super Mario 64, and beating bowser for the 5th time. It never got old.

I remember my first PG 13 movie. It was spiderman. I was in love with mary jane. And I closed my eyes at the kiss scene.

I remember trick or treating for 4 hours with my best friend. I lost half my candy but it didn't matter, because the memories meant more. The haunted house, the dares, the leg cramps, the crunched leaves.

I remember when my sisters were home. I remember monday nights.  I remember when my brother came home for Christmas. I remember being happy.