How It Ends

I've tried to listen to the whisper. The one that tells you "It's only life."  It used to scream through my ear and burn, but I became cautious.  I became aware of thoughts that made me crumble.  In and out of things that made everyone else feel important.  I want someone to take me back in time when I didn't need to focus on that voice inside my head. I was much happier with no state of mind.

I hope that one day I'll have something real to say.  Maybe we'll never understand each other.

To tell you the truth I never was strong.  I'm terrified of endings, and goodbyes.  And I'll never how this is going to end, but when all is said and done, it's been a pretty good game of golf.













See ya in 2.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it

because I can't say it better

Sprawl II - Arcade Fire

They heard me singing and they told me to stop
Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock
These days my life, I feel it has no purpose
But late at night the feelings swim to the surface

'Cause on the surface the city lights shine
They're calling at me, come and find your kind
Sometimes I wonder if the World's so small
That we can never get away from the sprawl
Living in the sprawl
Dead shopping malls rise like mountains beyond mountains
And there's no end in sight
I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights

We rode our bikes to the nearest park
Sat under the swings and kissed in the dark
We shield our eyes from the police lights
We run away, but we don't know why
Black river, your city lights shine
They're screaming at us, we don't need your kind
Sometimes I wonder if the world's so small
That we can never get away from the sprawl
Living in the sprawl
Dead shopping malls rise like mountains beyond mountains
And there's no end in sight
I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights

They heard me singing and they told me to stop
Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock
Sometimes I wonder if the world's so small
Can we ever get away from the sprawl?
Living in the sprawl
Dead shopping malls rise like mountains beyond mountains
And there's no end in sight
I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights
I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights

This is a blog post, titled "Us"

I used to try so I could be somebody.  Until I realized I was becoming nobody.  He, she, them. Look what they did. Hear what he said?

Poison.

In the deepest part of our hearts we're all afraid. Scared to break free of the chains, we cry rivers that carry a thousand words. And one of these days our ships might set sail and bring us to somewhere worth staying. Pushing through hatred and pain, the same color blood just passed through our veins.

I used to try so I could be somebody.  Until I found that I already was.

No one's free until we're all free. There's no me and no you, there's just us.

Waking up in an unknown place

Disapproval.  She takes him by the hand and leads him through the town.  Walking through crowds of condescending eyes.  She appears composed, so she is I suppose.  No one can really tell.  What's it gonna take for them to just leave her alone?

They push, and shove, and she keeps her cool.

I see her everyday.  I watch her stare into space looking for something to take her away.

She puts her hand on his arm.  "I'm fine."  "Nothing's wrong."

The morning fades to black, and suddenly she's not so strong.

star gazing and hand warmers

Winter trees and burning wood.  Some things we know by heart.

To tell you the truth I never knew who I was gonna be when they asked me where I'm heading. We all have the ability to deceive.  Call it a gift from the devil.  Something to send us on our way.

Sticks and stones break bones, and words hurt.  But your eyes give me stab wounds to the chest. In case you were wondering, I'm jealous of your strength.

Do you ever think "why me"when bad things happen?  I'm sure the truth sounds good at least two times a day, like a broken clock.  And If not, fake it to show the world you're trying.

Sometimes I wonder if God meant to give us such curious minds.


We all need a happy ending. And a new beginning, but if birds are smart enough to fly south, can't we look up for inspiration? And down for motivation?  Even we need to feel important.


So lets raise a glass for the things that make us feel alive. For street lights and hand warmers. And someone give Jiminy Cricket a hug for encouraging us to wish upon stars.

The view is beautiful from the other side of heaven.

Let's really talk

Everyone's dying to be real, but no one's comfortable with change.

Polarity

Roses and broken intentions .  That's what lines the street of life.

The wind took us on a ride down the streets of seclusion and it made us feel special. Deception lurked around the corner and had its eyes glued to our glued hands. I wish we were different.

I signed the pavement with a penmanship called love.

"To whom it may concern, nothing is tearing us apart so stop trying."
With resentment, death replied "You have no control."









So I took a walk with death.  He showed me how he could make good people bad. He turned flowers to ashes and put those ashes in my pocket as a souvenir.  As a symbol of fear.


Opposites are the world.




So I took a drive with life. Gorgeous. And she told me she had a secret.



Do I wanna know?

Lost in the world

It's not a question if I want it or if I need it, it's about what's fair.  I feel it slowly drifting away from me and I'm afraid it won't find its way back.  Something so new and so real.  No one knows how this feels.  Is that how that saying goes?

The quote on your shirt means nothing unless you live it.

Stop playing.

I'm on the edge staring fear right in the eye.  If you slipped off that edge and clenched onto your life, I would never let you fall.

Step back.  Let's get lost in the world together.

3 words

Maturity can be such a fallacy. But only if you follow the play book.

I've been trying to hold it back I promise. I closed my eyes, I closed myself and closed my world. Never opened up to anything. 1 step ahead, 2 steps back.

3 words.

What do they mean? Are they real?

It's hard to find the truth in such an upside down world.  Where they toss around the words like silly putty.  Morphing to please.

Selfish.

Selfish.

Selfish.

If I told you the truth would you listen? I promise it's real.

3 words.

Scenic View

Everyone says to let it go.

As I sit by the window I see thousands of people sleepwalk to solitude. Their heads are up but their hearts are down. They shuffle their feet to the beat in unison. One man thought he'd distance himself from the crowd only to find himself pulled back in. It's universal and imminent. Led by day dreamers and followed by enthusiasts the pack continues. Never stopping, always growing.

Another light goes off in the city.



From the other window I see cherry blossoms. I see elderly couples in robes and kids with pogo sticks.  Chalk lines the streets and feeds the minds of those who dare to listen. I see angels, demons, Gods. They fight over which is theirs to claim.

Another pedal falls.


I wish you could share this scenic view with me. It's too much for me alone. Everyone says to let it go.


Another dream goes.

Finding God in the phone book

Love and hate keep calling me.

I disconnected the phones and locked the door, but God keeps finding me.  On days like this I usually  close the windows.  I think I'll let heaven seep through.

Shift

You never gave a second thought about becoming older.

You never took the time to think about how things would change.  All you've ever known is giving a happy thought away to someone who would listen.  No one ever told you that one day people would stop caring.

They never gave you a list of things that would make you happy.  Get the money and become rich.  9 to 5 doesn't cut it anymore and suddenly she's not that into him.  They wonder what went wrong.

They never defined love.  They never told you how to know if you've found it and if it's real.  You learned about dating and kissing and the s word.  But they never told you that love was involved.  They never said anything about lying and hatred and joy and hurt.  About the hard times that led to peace of mind.  They never told you that good follows the bad, and sometimes people don't last through the bad.

It's the way they make us think.  The way they convince us that our potential is out there and once we find it and bring in the green, then we deserve happiness.

No one ever told you that happiness and potential lie within you waiting for desire.

They never told you that things would shift and no matter how hard you try to fight it, clouds always find you.  But life is gonna be good. They never told you that. So I will.

Month of August

I think I'll take a walk down this lonely street,

and try to make something good out of nothing.











Wake up and wonder what happened to your good intentions.

A Long Drive With Nothing To Think About (1)

 

No one ever knows where they're going.  They only know why they go.

This. Is the hardest part.  This is the part that drugs you up, and strips away all that you are. It molds into something good, and real, and ties it to a helium filled balloon.

This is the part, where the balloon lifts off.  Waving goodbye to the kid who never thought life would get this hard.  Who sits on the pavement legs crossed, watered eyes staring back at the sun.

This is the part, where the balloon finds you. 

This is when you sit out on the pavement in front of your new life.  This is when you stare back at the sun with watered eyes, wondering if things would always happen like this.

The Sun beats down without answers, the wind carries away your thoughts.

This is when I take a walk through the midnight city .  Sleepwalking over fields of badly timed love letters.

Big Hard Sun

I'm leaving.

And I don't plan on coming back.

I'm going to the place where they told me only existed in dreams.  Where the running water summons you to the call. Where the sun beats down on your skin and replaces blood with belief.  I'm going to the place where man is afraid of, and poets dream of.  Where they write, and write, and write, but never truly feel.  I'm going, because I can feel my heart slowly losing life as I walk down halls filled with disbelievers and hypocrites.  I feel my smile fade as I look out the window and only imagine.

I don't want to imagine what could have been.

I want to live.

Come with me. Let's go and never look back.  We can swim in the running water, and lay out in that big hard sun. Let's leave behind this world.  Let's be human again.

And maybe under that big hard sun, we can smile together.

Strangers on the Shore

Fill my heart with that moment when our eyes meet.
When my heart blisters and I fall to pieces.
Cause it's a wonderful thing.
I feel as if I can catch the wind and fly far beyond the sea where you and me can be.
I'll take your hand along the sand, and we'll go way down below the ocean. 
Floating free and undefiled. 
We'll find that magic place where dreamers only dream of, and singers only sing of.
We'll speak in the language of love and truth.
And then you and me will be lifted back to the surface, as strangers on the shore.
Our hands will intertwine and we'll fade with the wind.
 

The Blackbirds Know Something I Don't

Let me tell you how I feel, and you can toss it in your travel bag,
for the days when the rain pours so hard, and the sun has decided to take the day off.

Let me tell you about your blue eyes and tainted love.
Your metaphorical stones and my easily breakable bones.
I guess I bruise easy.

The smell of morning rain brings me back to days with you. 
The days I spent playing Nintendo in the basement.
The days when I woke up to see the sunrise, because the light actually meant something when it touched my skin.

Bring me back to those days.

I never woke up at 7 to put on a tie, and a mask, and confine myself to derivitives.
I woke up because when the birds were chirping, and all the 9 to 5 workers were tossing in their beds,
those blackbirds were trying to tell me something.  They were trying to give me a taste of what it's like to fly free above.

Bring me back to those days.

When we never worked on Christmas.
And school was a place of freedom and trust, and their was no time for judgement.

I used to wonder if I'd ever reach 6 feet, and if monsters only came out in the dark.
Now all I wonder is why teenage hearts die so young when there's no one to love them.  And why pieces of paper tinted green can make life change its mind, and death becomes the winner.
The king of your heart. The ruler of my mind, and if I'm really the master of my fate, and the captain of my soul then why do your words mean so much to me?

Love.  It's a strange and fickle thing.  But if there's anything I've learned, it's that life is about love, and if you haven't loved you haven't lived.  And even though I hate to say it, I suppose, I love you.

3 simple words that can't seem to find their way through my clattering teeth.
Let me tell you how I really feel.

But one of these days there will be no need for this life line between us.  I'll reach out to grab it, and you'll already have it packed away in your travel bag.  And 2 words will forever ring in my head:

Remember Me.