Cigarettes and closed blinds

We sit around the fire watching the flames fluctuate.  The wood turns black like the end of your cigarette.  Lights shine through the window from the city, and gunfire.  War is happening, and you think that I will protect you.  What gave you that idea?  Was it the money?  Or the house, or the ornate coffee tables?  They will not protect you.  I will not protect you.

I tell you to stay, but you go.  You tell me ‘forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest’.  I’m left alone in the apartment room hoping to find solace in the words of the music playing from the old record in the corner of the room.  You expected me to follow you, but I didn’t.  Now I am left alone in this room, in this world.  Do I dare go outside?  I closed the blinds in hopes to erase the memories, but I forgot about the broken down door.

The town went to hell, and I wonder if you paid a visit.  I hope you found what you were looking for.  While I’m left burning photos and putting out the fire, I wonder why you ran.

This is not about you

Blood

It keeps you alive which makes me want to live.  Funny how that works.

Blood makes me think about life which makes me think about death.  Which makes me think about Heaven and Hell and why I can't stop thinking about Heaven and Hell.  And why I can't stop thinking about you.

Because I hate you.  I never liked your smile, or your eyes, or the smell of your hair.  I liked the idea that was you.  I liked the idea that there was someone who cared.  But your eyes say more than your words.  And your eyes don't lie.

Now, I'm not complaining.  I don't question why volcanoes erupt, or cats land on their feet, or why blood is red.  I don't question why you left.  I'm sure I'll find someone else with perfect teeth and blue eyes.  But the snooze button on my alarm clock makes me happier than you, and homeless people make me cry just like you (but for different reasons).

So here's to the homeless people who make me weak, and to my alarm clock which is the reason why I get up, not you.

You Didn't Like Carrots

We sat on the swings not realizing that there were other people within eyes distance.  I would think about how we would grow up together and be married.  How we would have kids and we would be a family.  I didn't know what you were thinking, but it was okay because I had a feeling you were thinking the same.

We hadn't kissed.  We didn't have sex, but I loved you.

I held your hand, well at least I touched it when we both reached for the pencils.  I knew I loved you.  I waited in the lunchroom everyday so that we could sit together.  You would have my carrots and I would have your tater tots. 

You didn't like carrots but you took them anyways, because you loved me. 

People would tease and call names but we didn't listen because they were just words coming out of childrens mouths.  We were mature. We loved each other.

But now I've moved on and you have to.  I still wonder if you are in love with me.  I wonder if I'm in love with you. 

Characters I wish Were Real

 Wilfred

 

 Buster (Arrested Development)

 

 Dwight (The Office)

 

 Kramer (Seinfeld)

 

 

I'm Frustrated

 

 

 

This is how I feel about this post. I'm Frustrated.  I'm frustrated with school.  I'm frustrated with people who are fake. I'm frustrated with teachers because they keep giving me stupid assignments that make me want to pull my hair out.  I'm frustrated with parents.  I wish they would just shut up sometimes. I'm frustrated with my mind because it keeps telling me things that I don't want to hear about. 

 

 

Things I do in my spare time

 

 

 

I Want You to Listen

I want you all to listen.   I want to know when this world become so hateful that people would rather die than be themselves.  I just want to know why I can't walk into a damn store without feeling insecure.  And I'm sorry I just swore, but I want you all to listen.

I want to know why I'm afraid of this post.  Why I'm afraid to voice my opinion.  I'm afraid of the fact that this post isn't going to help anyone.

If we're all like God, and God loves everyone, why can't we?  We tell each other it's okay to be different but the second we are, there's no end to the hate.  Race, same sex marriage, gender, social status, religion.  These are all things that we discriminate against without real reason.  If there was no discrimination or hate, we would all feel free to be ourselves. I hear you say that you don't discriminate towards others and I just want to say to you Bull crap.  We all descriminate in one way or another. I just want to know why.  These feelings are the reason for my depression. The reason why I hate being in this twisted society.

So why do I waste my time with this post which is on a subject that many people have talked about, and written about better than I have? Maybe I'm more afraid of not voicing my opinion. Maybe I just want myself to listen.

Birds By Chef'special

I wish people would stop yelling and start listening
I wish birds would start talking and stop whisteling
Cause they know thinks that I don’t know
Seven of them sitting on that wall
Staring at a lost soul and fly away
Too close to the window
I’m looking for some info
Can I trust Google Maps’ photographs
What’s flying like, are you free above
Is it really that worth, dreaming of
Or does that to get old like making love and alcohol
Or that track you wrote that made them all dance on the dancingfloor
But the dancing it ends at four
When the dancing people have to go
And there is nothing left for you to role, than home
Sun don’t shine at night
Oh no, it don’t
If only you would just open your eyes
I know i’m not alone
Is it alright if all these words don’t mean nothing at all.
I wish I was from a broken home
To explain the fact that i’m cold and alone
But my family is golden so it’s probably just my own fault again
I wish does seven birds came back
and told me why the earth deserve is wack
Cause it ain’t sync what we deserve and get
Or do you think we should work on that
Sunday evening, monday is eager to kill me like he did last week
I’m not the guy you think you need
I wish that you start missing me
And start distinguishing you and I
But we are the same and you’re in my mind
But rain replaces snow and that’s just pretty fucking lame
The sun don’t shine at night
Oh no, it don’t
If only you would just open your eyes
I know i’m not alone
Is it alright, if all these words don’t mean nothing at all.