Am I a hipster- doofus?
                           - Kramer

Can't Stop Thinking

I can't stop thinking about you.

I think about you to the point that everything else becomes a blur and I feel like I'm lost in a world of emotion.  Emotion that makes my stomach turn, my heart beat faster and my legs give out from underneath me. 

I've never been good at showing emotion and because of this, it eats at my soul.  I want so bad to tell you how I feel, and it definately won't come out at the right time. Guranteed.

I think about you like plants think about water.  Like books think about being read, so everyone will know whats on their mind.  I think about you like fathers think about sons. And mothers think about daughters.  I think about you like music thinks about true meaning.  I'm thinking about you like Paris thinks about people coming in hopes of inspiration.

I can't stop thinking about you.

I wish I could

I wish I could tell you how I really feel about you.

I wish I could tell you how you are responsible for my lack of sleep.  The reason I lay awake at night thinking about how we could be together. 

I wish you knew how much I think about you.  Not a day has gone by since the day we met, that I haven't thought about you.  I wish I could tell you that.

I wish I could tell you that I don't care what other people think.

I wish I could tell you everything that's been on my mind.  How you make me feel better about myself when I'm with you.  How nothing else matters when I'm with you.  I wish I could tell you how you make me feel when I look into your eyes and you look back into mine.  The way my knees get weak and my heart beats to a new rythm. 

I wish I could tell you how hard it is to love someone and not be loved back.  Even though you tell me you love me, I know what you really mean.  That we're just good friends and nothing else, even though I want more than that.  But I'm just a stupid teenager! What do I know about love?  I'm not supposed to know anything about love!  All I know is that this feeling is something that I haven't felt before, and it's controlling my mind and my heart.

I know that other people say the same thing about you, but with us it's different.

It's different. 

Those Freaking Mountain Goats

I'm afraid of wind shield wipers. 

I'm afraid of getting head butted by a mountain goat.  Cause one day they might just say screw it and give me a good beating.




I'm afraid of birds sitting there and staring at me thinking: look at that confused person, stuck on earth not able to fly away free.


I'm afraid of redheads with mustaches, because they're just so gosh dang intimidating.





I'm afraid that I have too many fears and that I worry too much.

I'm afraid of waking up one day, and realizing that I'm not reaching my potential.  Even though I don't know what my potential is.

I'm afraid of not caring.

I'm afraid of old people judging me.



I'm afraid of being in love, but not being loved back.

Love

What is Love?  It's such a simple, yet complicated word.  People have been trying to define it forever, and we still don't know what it is.  Maybe it's not meant to have a definition.  Maybe it's too deep to have a true meaning.  Perhaps love is found in a sandwich, or the sound of the birds chirping on a perfect day.  Perhaps love is found in a high five, or a hug, or maybe the sound of your best friends voice.  The fact is that love is different for each person. 

I can't tell you what love is, no matter how hard I try.  Whatever love is, it's not something that comes around too often.  Cherish every moment that you have with it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBaPplviA8o

My Life

My life seems to be going in a strange direction.  I've got parents who don't understand who I really am; I have friends who don't know the other side of me.  I feel like ive been living 3 lives: what my parents want, what my friends want and what my church wants.  If I keep living this way I am going to lose it.  What do you want from me? What am I supposed to do? Who do you want me to be?  These are questions that torment me everytime I lay down in my bed.  It seems as if I am hit with a brick and I am brought back to reality.  Every time I walk in the doors of the school, I put on a mask of emotions.  Every one thinks I'm happy and my life is perfect, but in reality, I am living in a personal Hell.  My thoughts torture me to the point I feel like giving up. 

Everyone expects me to be close to God, but right now I feel very distant from him.  It's as if we've never really met.

I want to leave this place and live in a world where everyone understands me.  Until then, I'll be cursing the sky waiting for the day my life falls into place.

Human

Love is a foolish mans game.  We as humans seem to fall in love with anyone who gives us the slightest bit of attention (inspired by Eternal Sunshine).  One day we love, the next day we might hate because of something the person said.  If love is really that special, why is it tossed around from person to person without true meaning?  I would like to say that I have loved (so I can fit into the mold of society) but truth is I haven't. 

At this point in my life, love is nonexistent.


"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?"

-Joel