Adieu, with love- Paris

"They’ll never know.”
 

These words pounded in my head and out through my mouth.  Like dreams forced under the covers.  And I couldn't deny the feeling of apprehension tearing through my vulnerable skin.  Whoever I was, whatever I was, is gone.  Smoke fills my lungs, love leaves scars in my heart and no matter how drunk I get, alcohol never passes through my blood stream.

 

I would tell you that my blood flows for you.  That my jeans are torn for you.  That my legs ache, and my bones break, and my reality stands still for you.  But love?  No.  I'm not familiar with your toungue.  I would stand on top of the Eiffel Tower and scream your name, but I'd never say I love you.  Those words are my poison.

 

I was handed a pen, and told to give them something to believe in.  No matter how many words I cross out, it can't explain my deepest feelings.  Or how the light at the end of the tunnel shines brighter than the sun.

 

Honestly,

 

You want the truth.  But darlin', your beautiful mind can't handle my truths.  My muse has always been too fickle for your tastes, and my words have never flowed like your thin hair.  But I just want to stay one more night.

 

A sinner asking for forgiveness.  A father praying for his son back.  A gun that never meant to shoot that bullet.  That's all I am.    Poor metaphors and bad choices of words. 

 

So when you told me that you were leaving, I hopped on a train in hopes to meet you there.  But that's not where the angels live.  They live inside notebooks.  And apartement rooms.  And desperate souls, at the end of their road.

 

Paris-never abandon me.  Don't leave me here to freeze.  It's 11:00 at night and you've never left my mind.  Please, just stay. 

 

And after the night when I wake up, I'll see what the morning brings.